


my dog speaks more eloquently

by Ravenesta



Series: Alexander 'National Disaster' Hamilton [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Modern AU, Other, Swearing, Texting, even more of alexander hamilton: national disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5194790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenesta/pseuds/Ravenesta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>aka: even more reasons why alexander hamilton should not have a cell phone</p>
            </blockquote>





	my dog speaks more eloquently

**MAD(AS A HATTER)SON**  
Fair Warning  
The News About Your Father  
Or Lack Thereof  
Has Been Leaked

 **A HAM**  
you mean jefferson leaked it and youre telling me bc you feel guilty

 **MAD(AS A HATTER)SON**  
Theres Nothing You Can Prove  
Media Will Know Within The Hour

 **A HAM**  
how do you waste so much time capitalizing the beginning of every word  
it must be like  
a thumb workout  
your thumbs must be ripped  
also fuck you and everyone you know and love

* * *

 

 **SIT THE FUCK DOWN**  
LOL

 **A HAM**  
GET A REAL JOB ADAMS

* * *

 

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
idk man, maybe it's better that you didn't know your dad  
and that the media can't find him  
remember when they found my dad's facebook?

 **A HAM**  
wasnt his icon still a confederate flag

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
yeah  
man i was the ultimate disappointing son

 **A HAM**  
an openly gay, not racist lawyer??

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
exactly.  
i mean, what if they found ur dad and he publicly disowned you for being an openly bi, not-racist treasury secretary? awful.

 **A HAM**  
you always know what to say  <3

* * *

 

 **ANGELICA**  
You need to stop replying to people on twitter  
I will make you delete your twitter

 **A HAM**  
youre in london

 **ANGELICA**  
Did i fucking stutter  
Get off of twitter before you cause another scandal

 **A HAM**  
yes ma'am

* * *

 

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
What the fuck even is american media  
I just read an article claiming you were washington's kid???

 **A HAM**  
lmao jealous gilbert??

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
???????

 **A HAM**  
dude u would love to be called washington's bastard  
u named your ONLY KID AFTER HIM

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
Speaking of, Georges is doing WONDERFULLY  
what I am saying is  
stop being pissy or I will literally send you the picture album detailing his life from the moment of his birth

 **A HAM**  
the fact that youve already done that several times notwithstanding  
point taken

* * *

 

 **BEST OF WOMEN**  
Alex!!! I know you're probably busy but Phillip keeps asking where his other grandpa is and if we can go visit and I don't know what to do!!

 **A HAM**  
tell him that grandpa hamilton lives in the wet place with bagpipes and sheep

 **BEST OF WOMEN**  
I can't believe that worked, why did that work??  
Also, your father lives in Scotland??

 **A HAM**  
probably not anymore  
i just know phillip has been weird about scotland since we saw brave and how to train your dragon  
i love him so much hes the best kid  
remind me to send more pictures of him to angelica and gilbert

* * *

 

 **T JEFFS**  
lmao just found a GOLDEN article  
[buzzfeed.com/samseabury/daddy-issues-hamilton.hm237Ml4j](https://36.media.tumblr.com/0b3ca9fc9aeceec36fac0c93479917e2/tumblr_nxonriKdUE1stcm8vo1_540.png)

 **A HAM**  
hey heres an idea  
fuck off back to france  
and shove literally an entire baguette  
DIRECTLY UP YOUR ASS

no wait dont do that youd probably be into that

* * *

 

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
Alex, what the fuck even

 **A HAM**  
it was catchy  
like  
the best thing thats ever come out of a buzzfeed article  
although the bar for that is pretty low

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
ok yeah, its got a ring to it  
but youre the secretary of the treasury  
a buzzfeed writer calling you "america's favourite bastard" doesnt mean you can change your twitter name to 'national bastard hamilton'

 **A HAM**  
i do what i want

* * *

 

 **GEORGE MOTHERFUCKING WASHINGTON**  
Alexander.

 **A HAM**  
jefferson started it

 **GEORGE MOTHERFUCKING WASHINGTON**  
Change it back.

 **A HAM**  
yes sir

**Author's Note:**

> and this was the moment that george washington decided to retire  
> (alex kept the twitter name)
> 
> thx again to screamlet 4 the text format its still so wonderful


End file.
